#7: Opinion on cheating on people

September 29, 2013 § Leave a comment

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I can’t help but to laugh at myself when I saw this title.

Nope, I’ve never cheated on anyone nor have I been cheated on, so far. And I’ll never cheat on anyone.

If you cheat in life, that’s schemingly smart. If you cheat death, you’re a lucky bastard. If you cheat on the other person, you’re being seen as the jerk/bitch. And if you’re the person someone cheats on with, you’re being seen worse. You’re seen as the slut/home-wrecker, someone who deserved his/her terrible ending, someone who deserved no sympathy and should be stoned to death.

We’ve all heard opinions from the cheaters and the ones being cheated on. For some fresh perspective, I figure I’ll tell you about cheating from the other ‘person’ point of view.

Hold on to your stones first.

You may argue that the ‘other person’ is a thief, and you may ask what it feels like to always be wanting to steal one from another. I ask you, do you know how it feels to always just be an afterthought? To be on the waiting end, not knowing what to expect and not being in the position to demand anything more than scraps left off your table? To know that you have every right to take him any time you want to? To not have an excuse for just simply wanting to love someone who happens to be someone else’s man? That the things I love about him are probably the same things you love about him too?

To your partner, you are a habit, comforting, steadfast, and safe. The other person is seen as an enigma, a risk, a novelty, a curious little thing, an escape. You are familiar ground, and the other person is unchartered territory. Truth be told, you’ve always had the upper hand, and the other person never really stood much of a chance.

“You always have a choice, and you chose to put yourself in this position,” you said, and I agree.

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But, you can never fully understand what it feels like to be on the other end till you’re in that situation. The other person who chose to fight the battle even though deep down they know it’s a tough battle to fight. They have to fight against the society norms, their family, their friends, the partner, and themselves.

They fought hard in what they perceived to be worth fighting for, because that’s what they believe in. Or because they’re in too deep in to the relationship that by the time they realise, they cannot get themselves out of it, so they keep soldiering on at the front line without knowing how to retreat.

Fight is all they know. So they made a choice to put themselves out there and fought hard, and quiet.

There are two types of cheaters. One who just want to bang other people, and one who wants to bang other people whom they happen to like.

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However, the latter type probably struggle a bit more with invested emotions compared to the former. It’s more than just sex. They know that at the end of the day, they have a choice to make between two fine options.

And they need to live by that choice they make. It might not be the most desirable choice, or it might not be the wise choice, but the cheater needs to make a tough call. The cheater has a choice to hurt someone, and most of the time if the partner never did find out, the cheater would choose to hurt the ‘other person’ and stick to their justification to feel ‘better’.

Because, realistically and logically speaking, most of the time, humans are wired towards stability and comfort instead of the unknown.

It’s nobody’s fault, really.

“In a cheater’s eye, the other woman will never be as “good” as his own woman. She might be the better one- hell, she might even be the one he loves! But, most men are lazy. We would go for comfort and stability, the “good” one.” That’s what I’ve been told several times by men across all race and age when I did my little focus group a while ago in most of the bars in Singapore.

At the end of the day, the “other person” normally ends up being the injured party; the cheater returns to the partner with a guilt/secret they need to live with; and the partner who live in a lie they will never find out.

So, here comes the question for the “other woman/man”. To spill, or not to spill?

“Without the truth, we’re nothing but animals.”- Dan, Closer.

There’s a difference between confessing to hurt another person and confessing to ease your own guilt and seek for forgiveness.

Also, there are two types of “the other woman/man”.

One is the type who will set everything on fire once they found out they didn’t get their happy endings. They confess to hurt the cheater and the partner because they think the partner deserve to know the truth and the cheater do not deserve to resume their life with no defects.

They probably never did love the cheater. Because, you don’t destroy the people you love.

The second type is the one who will lick their wounds in the dark. Knowing for a fact that they are guiltless and have no forgiveness to seek from besides themselves; and knowing that nobody deserve to be hurt intentionally.

Perhaps they are seen as the silly ones, the weak ones.

But, they are the ones who know the truth, they’re free from the secrets. They’re liberated. They’ve given their best shot at the chance of happiness.

The ones who live in it are trapped.

Would you choose to live a life knowing that you’ve seen probably the worst side of a person and accept it or would you choose to live a life thinking that you’ve seen the worst side of a person but actually, you haven’t?

Perhaps we all cheat just to see if we can be happier.

#6: The person you like & why you like them

September 24, 2013 § Leave a comment

This is a tough one.

First, I Googled if “person” is singular or plural. Apparently, it’s singular; plural for “person” is “people” or “persons”.

Next, I Googled “the definition of like”. 989,000,000 results popped up.

Merriam Webster defined it as “to feel affection for (someone) : to enjoy being with (someone)”

So, I need to write about a person whom I have an affectionate feeling for and enjoy being together with.

3 months ago, I would have been able to answer this question with <insert name of person> in a heartbeat, without hesitation.

2 months ago, I would have been able to answer with <insert names of people> whom I was (briefly) attracted to.

A month ago, I realised that I’m incapable of translating such emotions into actions.

Right now, I’m not sure if the feeling of “like” even exists in my system because “indifferent” is the new mayor in town.

Well, unless alcohol is considered a person.

Day 5: 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex

September 23, 2013 § Leave a comment

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1. If you have B.O.

B.O is actually an issue you can control. For the love of God, please invest in extra shower time and a deodorant. Do you know what’s worse than standing next to a person with B.O?

Standing next to a person with really bad B.O.

If you can’t even make an effort in your personal hygiene, that really speaks a lot about you as a person.

2. If you’re suffering from fake accent syndrome.

Seriously, you can’t have an American accent if you’re in LA for 2 weeks. Similarly, you can’t have a British accent from watching 1 season of Sherlock. Having a fake accent does not make you any more superior or elite. In fact, it makes you look insecure, pretentious and really silly in a bad way. No darling, not the Zooey Deschanel/Seth Cohen kinda way.

Because we have heard how you spoke to the aunties in hawker centres. “Eh aunty, I don’t want si ham hor.”

So, if you come and talk to me with a fake accent. I’ll reply you in Singlish hor.

3. If you just stood on the right side of the escalator without moving.

Escalator etiquette needs to be taught in textbooks. Every morning, not only do I have to battle with the crowd in the bus and trains, I also have to battle with the inconsiderate lazy people who just stand on the right side of the escalator without moving.

What’s worse is when I say “Excuse me” politely no one would be bothered to move.

It’s only when I started saying it in a louder volume only then people would start to move to the left…Why do people just like to take nice people for granted?

4. If you play Jesus with me.

The self-righteous condescending stuck-up pricks just piss me off. I don’t need to follow your set of social rules which deemed to be appropriate to be a “good” person. I know I’m a good decent person who will never intentionally hurt another human being.

If you slice my heart open you would actually realise I’m as kind as Jesus. <I can insert a list of amazing things I have done but that would be me preaching>

So, please keep your preachings to yourself.

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5. People who abuse social media.

People who use Facebook status updates/Twitter as a personal diary. People who make Facebook accounts for their pets. People who upload a series of the same images in a row- baby pictures, couple pictures, pet pictures. I get it, you don’t need to flood my timeline to inform me about your happiness. It’s like Arial Bold in size 40 font. I can see it loud and clear.

Don’t confuse codependency for passion

September 22, 2013 § 1 Comment

It’s easy to confuse those two, isn’t it?

Desire is not love. Lust is not love. Hell, in many cases, even passion is not love. These things are simply the sparklers which sizzle and pop and go out relatively quickly (if only to be found again at certain points in the relationship). But love is a much more stable thing, a thing of sacrifice and compromise and understanding that the person you have chosen is a real human being with needs and feelings and a daily routine that you must fit into.

There is nothing romantic about codependence, or about pointless arguments, or about turning every disagreement into a battle that no one can win. There is something very romantic, however, about the patience and compassion it takes to love another human being in a healthy, routine way. For someone to be able to wake up every day and depend on your presence and your empathy, for them to know that your fights — while a necessary part of life — will always be fair, that is love. It is not glamorous or unpredictable, but it is love. And perhaps it’s passion, too, even if we can only recognize desire when it’s burning our whole life along with it.

Day 4: What you wear to bed?

September 22, 2013 § Leave a comment

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They say what you wear to bed says a lot about a person.

What I wear normally depend on my mood and if I have done my laundry for that week…

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1. The over-sized high-school t-shirts/ grandmother’s night dress

This is what I’ll wear 2 weeks out of a month when I want to feel all comfortable and colorful and mismatched. I’ll sing in my bathroom when I’m brushing my teeth in the morning and dance around to guilty pleasure songs (Hello Britney!) in my room at night. When I’m forced to answer the door to a delivery man, I tend to go slightly pink in the cheeks when glancing down at the cat nighty (or some equally embarrassing nightdress/oversized t-shirt) with the coffee stain down the front. I’ll hurriedly sign for the damn package/grab my takeouts while trying not to make eye contact with the delivery man before rushing back into my room to watch HIMYM in bed with my takeouts.

Yes, I do everything in my bed.

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2. The silky nightie

When I want to feel like a sensual vamp and when I mean business aka my-body-is-ready-for-you. If you happen to see me in this, you’re probably getting lucky with me tonight.

That or we’re having a girlie night and sipping Chardonnay.

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3. Commando

I almost never sleep naked, even if I’m sleeping alongside a dude and even if we just had sex. It feels so … bare to me.

Him: Wait, what? Why are you putting your clothes on?

Me: Because I need to wear something.

Him: Just sleep naked, like I do! 

Me: Err… I don’t like to.

Him: I’ll keep you warm!

Me: I really need to feel fabric on my skin.

Him: But I want to feel your naked body against me!

Me: Can I wrap myself with your comforter?

Him: We’ll share?

Me: No, just the comforter and my body.

Him: (silence)

Only in 3 circumstances I’ll sleep naked.

1. The weather is 45 Celsius out there and my fan is not working.

2. I haven’t done my laundry in weeks.

3. I accidentally fall asleep in my bed straight after my shower.

Day 3: What kind of person attracts you?

September 21, 2013 § Leave a comment

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Now, this is a really attractive subject to write about.

Did you know that a new study finds that when it comes to personality, people seek partners with their same qualities — but claim to want someone who is different?

I guess opposites don’t really attract, or they do attract, but doesn’t last.

So yeah, Mr. Scott Eastwood, your chiseled face and washboard abs do no wonders to me. Unless you’re speaking straight to my va-jay-jay…

It’s a known fact that I’ve always been attracted to a guy who’s funny, quick-witted, quirky, interesting, has great taste in music, reads, spontaneous, got brains…

and I’m totally sold if he’s got some killer moves on the dance floor and in bed…

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Charm > Looks

I’ll take a charming man over a good-looking man anytime! He doesn’t need to be hot or good-looking but there must be something about him that attracts me to him like bees to honey. It can be his sunny smile or his eyes or his muscular arms/limbs. I love man with strong arms/legs because I like to feel secure when I’m all wrapped up in him.

One thing in particular is I have preferences for brown-skinned boys. There’s something about their tanned skin and exotic features that draw me to them. Not to mention most of them are pretty well-endowed… 😉

Day 2: How have you changed in the past 2 years?

September 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

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If the 2011 me met the 2013 me, the 2011 me would be in shocked. For a start, I’ve given up on my 3 year old Tumblr and switched to WordPress. #horrors

Let me tell you how I have changed in the past 2 years.

I’ve lost friends and made new friends. I’ve learned to keep my bestest friends who I know I’ll grow old with even closer to me. I’ve learned to be with people who I always have great laughs with. I’ve learned to let more of my close friends to be my support system. I’ve learned about real life that had never been taught in school. I’ve learned to see the best and worst side of people; without judging them. I’ve learned the importance of loving someone without wanting to fix them.

I’ve changed my mind on what matters and what doesn’t. I’ve learned to see people beyond the music they listen to or the shows they watch- what matters is they’re open to embracing what you recommend. I’ve learned to love better. I’ve learned the importance of wearing your heart on your sleeve. I’ve learned the importance of alcohol. I’ve traveled alone. I’ve traveled to Japan. I’ve traveled to more countries in 2 years compared to I have in my lifetime with my own cash. I’ve learned how to save. I’ve learned to workout more often.

I’ve learned that being kind is very, very important even though it can be really tough at times. I’ve learned that there’s no definite right or wrong in life. I’ve learned that everyone should be given a second chance. I’ve learned to enjoy good sex. I’ve learned that we are always able to do something, and we are always able to be touched. I’ve learned that all-consuming love is not love at all. I’ve learned to be more honest with myself. I’ve learned to forgive. I’ve learned to let go. I’ve learned to trust your gut but listen to your head. I’ve learned that you can’t protect yourself from getting hurt but you can protect yourself from regrets.

So, I’m looking forward to my 2015 self.

Where Am I?

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