January 5, 2014 § Leave a comment
To my dear ex-lover,
If you’re reading this, this is for you. This is a long overdue post and finally, I have the time and mood to sit down and type this out.
If I were to be totally honest, I’d like to say thank you for leaving me before I’ve fallen for you. I was mad and hurt when you left, but that didn’t last long, not because there were other people who came along, but because I have accepted the fact that I’ve always knew deep down that we’d have never worked, and I have the tendency of fighting for something which I knew would be doomed since the very beginning- this probably ties back to my daddy issues but that’s a topic for another day. I mean, how could we have worked when we are 2 very different individuals who wants different things, and most importantly, you’re cheating on your girlfriend with me.
Anyway, if not for you, I’d not have realised that I actually deserve so much more than you could offer, that you open up my eyes to a sea of potentials men, whom of each is actually better than you are (besides your ex friend, of course) in almost every aspect of what a man could be. Or, at least, kinder than you are- because, they did not choose to enter my life when they are already in a relationship.
The one who did have the tendency to tell me before anything happened. And I adore him for that, because that’s how I know the difference between a kind person and a selfish person.
And, that’s when the reoccurring thoughts of telling your girlfriend about us died off.
Thanks to you, I’ve had sexual awakening from other men, I’ve opened up myself to more new things and people, I’ve became less pessimistic, I’ve became tougher, I knew what I want, and I no longer want you, and most importantly, I no longer have to battle with my own demons, wondering what did I ever do wrong, or how I could have made things better.
I’ve never told you this- but when I told you I wanted to sleep with you again, it was not because that I wanted to get over you etc, but because I wanted to prove a point, and it’s been proven, and that gives me a closure- that you did the right thing by leaving, and I did the right thing by not sleeping with you anymore.
I felt truly liberated at that point of time- even though it required lies and desperations from my end, but I needed that closure for myself. I knew that I already have moved on, and I’ll never allow myself to be in the same situation ever again.
Don’t get me wrong, I have never regretted anything about us. It was just a lesson well-learnt. So, thank you for entering my life. We’ve had good memories which I’ll carry with me. I wish you well and I truly hope that your soul will be salvaged, and your current girlfriend will never find out. Because, when I saw the photos of you two popping up, I feel relieved that it wasn’t us and the fact that I never did tell her. At the same time, I feel sorry that she’ll never know this side of you, and for her sake, I hope she never will.
Because, you don’t destroy the people that you love.
All the best.